Where ever you go...I will be right here waiting for you.

Sometimes it doesn't really matter how long or how far or even why someone is so far away. All that matters is that every day they're gone is one day closer to seeing them again.

No, really what is it about missing people? It's not that life doesn't go on. Happily so it does go on. But then every time you're having the most spectacular time - dancing like you've never danced before - and then BOOM. Sudden mood change.

It's happened so many times to me. Yea, yea I have fun but there's that moment when you think "Oh man, I wish X was here". And I'll continue to have a good time but with something missing. It's difficult to really pinpoint what it is I miss most times. Is it the company? The physical aspect of the person I'm missing? The talk? The closeness? It's easy when I miss Mum. I just miss every thing about her! But it's others that cause this strange sort of guilt almost. Like: Oh gosh X isn't here. She/he is probably working hard on something. And here I am partying hard or whatever.

Someday I will get to the bottom on this mystery...but until then I will be right here waiting for you! :)

Fight fire with fire.

Ok let’s face it. Bangalore City is hugely overcrowded and it’s clearly only going to get worse! But then there is absolutely no point in pointing fingers at anyone. And even if there was some logic behind the blame game, well it’s not very polite now is it?

There are a huge number of cars and a larger number of motor bikes and a somewhere in between number of auto rickshaws which is probably something I could muster the courage to deal with. But these blooming buses, bus like big cars and mini buses. OH MY GOODNESS. GET OUT!

I understand they’re big but come on, it doesn’t mean in the least that it’s ok for them to wander onto the wrong side of the dual carriage road and come in the way of oncoming traffic. LUDICRIOUS!

Only this morning as I drove to work, I literally had to stop because a bus hurtled towards my (our) side of the street and completely out of control it must be noted! So the car ahead of me couldn’t budge an inch or he’d be looking down on us from heaven above. And left with no choice but to wait, we both held up traffic. Of course the git of a bully bus driver looked cool as a cucumber as if everything in the world is and always will be rainbows and butterflies.

My other grouse against these larger than life and should be banned cars is that they bully me LMassively. Boo.

Just because my parents were wise enough to buy me a city smart car as opposed to a dump truck, doesn’t mean I have NO RIGHT OF WAY. And forget when I’m in my car, this bullying

business only gets worse when I’m walking. Crossing the street is a depressing nightmare.

To begin with very few people actually stop even when there is a pedestrian crossing. Thus any hope of actually getting to the required side of the street when there is no crossing, is all but lost.

Not it truly unfortunate that I need to do this road crossing every day but when there are so few zebra crossings I simply have no choice but to dart across the road quite randomly. BLEH. But that is not the end yea! Ruthless buses, actually far enough to let me easily get across - even in high heels – speed up on seeing me and spitefully thunder towards me cowering in the middle. Needless to say they don’t seem to care two hoots whether they hit me or scrape past. Basically they don’t care.

What makes it worse is that when I sometimes very bravely look into their rear view mirrors after they’ve gone past, I CAN SEE THE GITS SNIGGERING AS IF THEY JUST ACHIEVED SOMETHING TREMENDOUS! Good grief...next time I go shopping...better buy them a brain each. GAH.

And I notice it happening all the time! To everyone with smaller than Mt. Everest cars or

vehicles or even those poor, unsuspecting and innocent walkers. The nail in the coffin however is the attitude of the police force. Either they’re too blooming lazy or downright cowardly. Hence time and again allow these bullies to get away with even hitting cars and killing people sometimes.

Thus after much deliberation, I have seriously decided to invest in a T-90. That’s right. I want a 46.5 tonne, 9.53m long, 3.78m wide, 2.22m high, V-96 engine, 12 cylinder, 1250 horse power , 3.5 million Pound, URALVAGONZAVOD built RUSSIAN MILITARY BATTLE TANK.

Stupid buses...WHO’S YOUR DADDY NOW!

PS: It also has...

1 x 125mm main gun

1 x 12.7mm machine gun

1 x 7.62mm coaxial machine gun

2 x 6 smoke grenade dischargers

PPS – Don’t even get me started on the ammo it has stocked on board.

Why India will not be as strong a superpower....yet...

It’s not that India is not capable of being the most deadly superpower. If anything, she has the trump cards to be exactly so. There’s a stunningly skilled population, and if they’re not skilled they’re bloody hardworking. Then there’s plentiful natural resources in the 28 states and 7 Union territories and believe me, we can teach anyone a thing or two about language, culture and tradition! ;)

So yes, as I was saying, we have it in us to be the Master and Commander, but then we won’t. And that really is the saddest part. The people who are capable of running a country soundly and without the greed of money, just don’t seemed to be inclined to getting their hands dirty in politics as we know it.

And the second rung of people who are marginally capable of doing so, think they are actually better than the above lot so are arrogant about it. Then, oh good grief, are the ones who are absolutely incapable of running the country. And the worst part is they think they’re the best. All the deadly sins moulded into human being are these people.

Now this defected mould has the uncanny ability of making other defected moulds too. The educated masses have no say in this because before long an army of goons will be knocking at your door, if God forbid, you were stupid enough to actually vote for someone capable. Geez what were you thinking!

So when people of authority are only chasing this flying pig of glory, money and eternal power and each one is too busy selling their soul so that they can have a go at ru(i)nning this beautiful country, why ever should America, China and even good old Pakistan take the time out to wait until we’ve got it into our numbskulls that... “Hey hang on there....we’re actually awesome and are fit to rule the world!” No no no they’re bound to swoop in and do all they can to prevent us from having that moment of Eureka. And I say that’s perfectly fair.

It’s an absolute shame that with so much potential there is such lacking passion to take the country forward. I think it’s time to stop waiting for the world to change. Look like I may have to do it myself. Oh yes...politics here I come. I think! Muuuuuuuuuuum. HELP!

PS - We did win the world cup so surely we're well on out way to ruling Earth!

Will I ever know?

I was just listening to Fray’s, How to Save a life and somehow, everytime I listen to it, it makes me cry. And no not sob uncontrollably but the tears which make me feel helpless and so out of control of fate and destiny.

The reason it makes me so irrationally afraid and sad is that yea of course I’d stay up with you all night had I known how to save a life. I’d do it a hundred times. But the point is...will I know when it’s necessary? How do I know if I should have done it before and how the hell do I know when to do it again? It’s really haunting.

I’d lay down a list and all. I would...but how do I know when. Will I be too late...AGAIN?

Every single day, I'll be missing you.

I know it’s been 6 long years and I should be well on my way to recovery...but somehow it’s hard to ever get over what happened.

So I thought I would write you a letter in my blog to just check in with you and let you know...I’m ok. I hope you are alright as well and that Mum, Dad and Big sister are well too. Your sister’s voice still tells me to shallow swim in the seas by the way! Haha! Nutters. You both!

Anyway, I’m now working. Yes yes I am capable of doing such things. No need to mock me pest! And yea I work right opposite your house. Wish I could come over and eat all that yummie food. Mmmmmmmmm.

OK ok listen Andy Roddick has pulled out of the French Open and Simon Cowell and Paula have left Idol. It’s now JLo, Randy and Steven Tyler. Yes...bleh. Then the other news is, ok wait, BLUE has disbanded I think. Remember my blue raincoat! Haha! Oh man it was bright!

My sister is getting married this November. I wish you were here. I’d have loved to see you attempt to strut about in a Sari. I can picture a pair of jeans on under the pretty silks!

Now the reason I’m writing this is so I can say a few things.

I miss you more than I should. Or I thought I could. I didn’t show it 6 years ago because you and I...we’re the toughies right. On the outside atleast.

Anyway, I sort of bottled it up all these years and pretended I was ok. But I'm not. It numbed me when it happened and I pretended I was fine. I didn't cry when I should have. I feel I didn't show I missed you and you deserved to be shown that. But I felt it. I missed you like crazy and I still do. But then I just didn't want to make Disha feel I wasn't strong when she needed me. Or Vibha. By the way they miss you tons and tons every day too.

The truth is I hate that everytime Andy Roddick plays I expect you to call and tell me all about your delightful views on the game. I miss listening to you judge American Idol in your Simon Cowell voice and clap like Paula. I pretended everytime that it didn't affect me but the reality is that this time something has changed and I feel like it's all happening in real time again.

Every time I add pictures of my friends on my desk and see us all change...it hurts because your picture will never change. But in a way as a good friend pointed out…things with us will never change.

I miss you Urmila. But I have not a single bad memory with you. And that won’t change. I love you. Eternally.

xxxx

Kanki

PS - I still think the name Ursula suits you splendidly!