Oh my dear lads! What is going on? I'm not one of those to completely dismiss you...yea I get it's a sport and you win some, you lose some...but methinks you lot played the wrong sport!
See...RUGBY does not equal football. Although silly Americans call Rugby, football. No no no this is the English Premier League see...Eeee...peee...ell. So yes...next time please don't plow into people. Yes, even if it is the ugly Manchester United team. I mean besides Rio...they're unfortunate enough anyway. ;)
Now you've pretty much wasted this year away. It's true Torres, you're a bit of a waste too. I love you and all but you're just not for the Bridge. Any idea how much Liverpool will charge for a late exchange or even a returned item? Get back to me Monday on that one.
Drogba, here...take this. And go get yourself an ice-cream. You did well(ish) son. Good job.
The rest of you...for shame! How can I get you to understand that you must try and GET the ball. If you lose it, you must retrieve it! And no...you must not assume that Lampard, Terry and Cech will come to your rescue all the time. IDIOTS. Anyway...
So I beg in all earnest. This year has been a fail. Thus, the least you can do is focus on the next year and for goodness sake don't drink the summer away. YES I AM TALKING MORE DIRECTLY TO YOU THAN THE REST ASHLEY!
And don't let the Red Devils get to you. Let's be zen about it right lads?
Ok you are now dismissed. SCRAM.
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